章節試閱
托茵・奧米索雷 Toyin Omisore
運動服飾品牌ROAM LOUD創辦人／羅德島州普羅維登斯
Founder of ROAM LOUD, Providence, RI
托茵・奧米索雷（Toyin Omisore）是運動服飾品牌 ROAM LOUD 的創辦人。我們約在普羅維登斯市區的一家咖啡館見面。那天她剛好夾在兩場線上會議中，但仍抽出一個小時與我聊天。我們談她創業的歷程，也談她身為前運動員，如何看待身材焦慮與自我認同。
托茵從小的飲食習慣混合著家常與外食。她說，自己一直屬於天生偏瘦的體型，正是因為這樣，她才從妹妹的經歷中，更早理解了社會對女性身材的雙重標準。
「我一直都比我妹妹瘦，」她語氣平靜地說，「所以當我吃速食、吃垃圾食物的時候，沒人說什麼。但我妹妹吃同樣的東西，卻常被說要『節制點』，甚至被盯著看。我從那時候就知道，這個社會並不公平。」
過去，她並不太在意吃什麼，為了方便也常吃速食。直到開始健身、重訓，才慢慢學會注意蛋白質攝取，調整飲食內容。那並不是為了變瘦，反而是為了長肌肉，讓自己的身體更符合她的審美。
「我曾經希望自己增重，變得更豐滿。對我來說，作為一個黑人女性，過瘦反而不是我理想中的樣子。」
她的健身方式多元，不只有重訓，還包含騎單車、瑜伽、爬山等。托茵認為運動是一條長遠的路，而不是短期衝刺。
「你永遠都會對自己的身體有意見，」她說，「這是人性。所以我一直在練習——練習找到那個平衡點。當我因為某些享樂感到罪惡，我就會試著往內探索：這種罪惡感從哪來？它真的是我自己的聲音嗎？」
身為運動服飾品牌的創辦人，托茵坦言，她也時常感受到維持身材的壓力。
「創業初期我根本沒時間運動，」她笑說，「但我腦海裡卻總有個聲音逼我：『你是做運動品牌的耶，你不能不健身。』那種自責感其實很重。」
托茵的品牌擁抱多元身形的美，她坦言在滿足不同體型需求的過程中遇到不少挑戰，但她的願景是讓更多樣的尺寸與體型都能在模特兒展示中被看見、被欣賞。
「我選擇日常生活中的女性作為我的模特兒，因為我設計的衣服是為真實的身體而製作的。」托茵說道。
談到消費文化，她不諱言對於市場上「操作女性不安全感」的行銷方式感到反感。ROAM LOUD 的品牌訊息不強調身體的不安全跟沒自信感，而是關於感受、關於力量與社群。
「像我們的高腰緊身褲，確實有修飾腹部的設計。但我不想用那種『遮掉你不想被看見的地方』的語言。我更希望你穿上它，是因為覺得自己很棒、很自在。」
展望未來，托茵希望 ROAM LOUD 不只是一個服飾品牌，而是一個社群、一個支持系統。她想打造一個能容納各種身體與聲音的線上空間，讓這份力量能夠延續下去。
Toyin Omisore is the owner of ROAM LOUD, a women's activewear and athleisure brand. I met her at a local coffee shop in downtown Providence. In between her meetings, we discussed her business journey and experiences with body image as a former athlete, and now the face of her brand.
Growing up, Toyin had a mix of home-cooked meals and takeouts. Being slender, she observed societal attitudes toward body size, especially through her sister's experiences.
“I was always slimmer compared to my sister, so I learned about size and food through watching her,” she said. “For example, when I was eating junk food, no one would comment. But when she had it, people would tell her to go easy on it.”
In terms of her diet evolution, Toyin initially paid little attention, consuming fast food regularly. However, as she started to work out, she began religiously calculating nutritional values to gain muscle.
“In the past, my goal was to gain weight and look curvier, but even then I still wasn’t happy with how I looked,” Toyin said. “Being Black and slender, I didn’t feel physically attractive.”
Over the past few years, her approach to fitness has become more holistic. She incorporates multiple exercises like kettle workouts, cycling, hiking, and yoga for overall well-being, as Toyin is learning that healing “her relationship with her body is a lifelong journey.”
“You are always going to have an issue with your body, so you have to figure out how to balance this,” Toyin said. “When I catch myself feeling guilty for my indulgences, I will have a conversation with myself.”
Working in the sports fashion industry, Toyin acknowledged the pressure to maintain a certain image while representing her brand.
“When the brand first took off, I was really busy and didn’t have time to work out as much. There was also a constant thought in my head telling me to start working out because I am running a fitness brand,” Toyin recalled.
For her brand, Toyin expressed a commitment to inclusivity. She described the challenges of catering to diverse body frames and shared her vision of featuring products on models of different sizes and shapes.
“I use everyday women to be my models because I am making clothes for real bodies,” Toyin said.
Regarding the Western consumer culture, Toyin critiqued the marketing of products based on women's insecurities. In her brand's advertising, she focuses on positive themes such as community, empowerment, and feeling good rather than highlighting insecurities associated with body image.
“For example, for our high-waist leggings, we mentioned a tummy control feature. But when I am advertising, I focus on the “feeling good” part rather than the insecurities associated with body image,” Toyin said.
Looking ahead, Toyin envisions a broader impact for ROAM LOUD, aspiring to build a community and ecosystem. She sees tremendous potential for growth and aims to create an inclusive online space for ROAM LOUD enthusiasts.
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蔡珠兒 Jewel Tsai
作家／台北
Writer, Taipei
一個冬天的午後，我與蔡珠兒約在信義區安和路附近的酸種麵包店進行採訪。她選了一個墨西哥辣椒切達（Jalapeño Cheddar）口味的酸麵包，並點了杯熱焦糖瑪奇朵。雖然嘴上說「我知道自己這段時間應該不喝咖啡了，」但她還是忍不住自己對咖啡的渴望。就這樣，我們聊起了珠兒的飲食習慣以及她對「帶有罪惡感的享受」的定義。
珠兒分享，她的罪惡享受是宵夜。由於她工作到很晚，有時候寫稿寫到十點多，總是忍不住想來一碗熱騰騰的麵。但她強調，她對宵夜的罪惡感並不是來自於怕發胖，而是一種道德上的自我譴責。
「會覺得，為什麼自己無法控制嘴饞，明明不餓，卻還是想吃，這種無法自律的感覺，讓我覺得自己很可憐。」她一邊說，一邊輕笑著。
身為女性，珠兒坦言，難免會有身材與容貌上的焦慮，尤其是社會和文化的壓力會讓女性不自覺地將體態放在心上。從電視劇到小說，女主角的外貌常常無形中影響著她們對自己身體的看法。然而，珠兒也提到，自己相對幸運，從來沒有特別進行過減重。不過，她曾因為丈夫減重的經驗，為了準備家裡的伙食，曾跟著丈夫嘗試過5：2斷食法（一週五天正常飲食，另外兩天只攝取五百到六百大卡）和生酮飲食法，但效果並不長久。
「時代在變，食物的好壞標籤也經常變動。這些飲食法或許能在短期內見效，但偏激的做法難以長久維持，體重也往往會反彈。」珠兒如是說。
除了常常辦家宴（Dinner party），珠兒也習慣在家自己煮飯。當季的時令食材是她菜單靈感的來源，她堅信，「只要保持飲食的多樣性，自然就能達到健康。」
「身體有它的平衡感。比方說，今天吃了燒鵝，明天就不會再想吃烤雞，反而會想吃些蔬菜或是湯品。長時間吃油膩的食物，身體會感到不舒服。」她補充道。
珠兒曾經罹患過兩次癌症，幸運的是，都是在早期發現並接受治療，病情得以控制。儘管如此，珠兒依然過著健康的生活，飲食中充滿了各種蔬菜，並且規律運動。她也表示，當時自己對癌症的來襲感到訝異，「畢竟平時生活得相當健康。」
儘管如此，兩次癌症經歷並沒有改變她的飲食習慣。相反地，她開始更加注重及時行樂、享受當下。珠兒笑著說：「我反而覺得要更珍惜每一天，生活要更有質感。」
「最近我也開始去健身房了。其實一開始有些排斥健身，但現在覺得，健康是八分飲食，兩分運動。身體的肌肉不該只是『存在』，而是需要被活用，這樣才能為生活帶來更多的力量。」
On a winter afternoon, I met Jewel Tsai for an interview at a sourdough bakery near Xinyi Anhe Road in Taipei. She chose a jalapeño cheddar sourdough and ordered a hot caramel macchiato. “I know I’m not supposed to be drinking coffee these days,” she admitted with a smile, unable to resist the craving. And just like that, we began chatting about her eating habits and her definition of guilty pleasure.
For Jewel, her guilty pleasure is late-night snacks. Since she often works late into the night, writing past 10 p.m., she finds it hard to resist the temptation of a steaming bowl of noodles. But she emphasized that the guilt doesn’t come from fear of gaining weight—it’s more of a moral self-reproach.
“It’s like... why can’t I control my cravings? I’m not even really hungry, and yet I still want to eat. That lack of self-discipline makes me feel a little pitiful,” she said with a soft laugh.
As a woman, Jewel admitted that body image anxiety is hard to avoid. The pressure from society and culture makes it easy for women to internalize ideals around body shape. Whether from TV dramas or novels, female protagonists and their appearances subtly shape how women view themselves. That said, Jewel considers herself lucky—she’s never gone through serious dieting. However, she once followed her husband through different diets, like the 5:2 intermittent fasting method (five days of regular meals, two days of 500–600 calories) and the ketogenic diet, while cooking for the family. But none of the diets stuck for long.
“Times change, and so do labels around food,” she said. “These diets may work in the short term, but extreme approaches are hard to sustain, and the weight usually comes back.”
Jewel frequently hosts dinner parties and also enjoys cooking at home. Seasonal produce inspires her menus, and she firmly believes that as long as you maintain variety in your meals, health will follow naturally.
“The body has its own sense of balance,” she explained. “If I eat roast goose today, I won’t feel like having roast chicken tomorrow. I’ll probably crave some vegetables or soup instead. Eating rich food for too long makes your body feel off.”
Jewel has battled cancer twice, but both times the illness was detected early and successfully treated. Despite these scares, she still lives a healthy lifestyle—her meals are packed with vegetables, and she exercises regularly. “Honestly, I was surprised when I got cancer,” she said, “because I had always lived quite healthily.”
Even so, her experiences with illness haven’t changed how she eats. Instead, they’ve strengthened her commitment to enjoying life and savoring the moment. “I feel like I need to cherish each day even more,” she said with a smile. “Life should be lived with quality.”
“Recently, I even started going to the gym. I was pretty resistant at first, but now I realize that health is 80% diet and 20% exercise. Muscles shouldn’t just exist—they should be used. That’s how you bring real strength into your daily life.”
托茵・奧米索雷 Toyin Omisore
運動服飾品牌ROAM LOUD創辦人／羅德島州普羅維登斯
Founder of ROAM LOUD, Providence, RI
托茵・奧米索雷（Toyin Omisore）是運動服飾品牌 ROAM LOUD 的創辦人。我們約在普羅維登斯市區的一家咖啡館見面。那天她剛好夾在兩場線上會議中，但仍抽出一個小時與我聊天。我們談她創業的歷程，也談她身為前運動員，如何看待身材焦慮與自我認同。
托茵從小的飲食習慣混合著家常與外食。她說，自己一直屬於天生偏瘦的體型，正是因為這樣，她才從妹妹的經歷中，更早理解了社會對女性身材的雙重標準。
「我一直都...
作者序
為什麼「吃」令人感到罪惡？
罪惡和享受，看似對立的情緒，卻巧妙地互相牽連。有的時候，越強大的罪惡感會伴隨著更強烈的滿足，像是慢跑後來一杯沁涼的啤酒，在週間晚上追了三小時的劇，或是把蛋糕當作早餐等等。每個人的罪惡感都有不同的來源，而時常被重複提及的，就是食物。
飲食對有些人來說是單純的享受，然而，對我來說，食物常夾帶著一絲難以形容的罪惡感。別誤會，我很愛吃，也喜歡與我所愛的人分享美食。但是有時候我會對於吃完一整個濃郁甜膩的開心果可頌感到罪惡。不久之後，我又會對自己的罪惡感感到羞恥。原本這個可頌應該是要替我的生活帶來快樂，卻因為自己嚴厲的標準瞬間變成了負擔。
自從我有記憶以來，我對於食物的罪惡感似乎從來沒有離開過。很多時候家人點了飯後甜點，我明明也想吃一塊蛋糕，卻常常用自己已經飽了為理由婉拒。長時間下來的抑制自己的慾望，讓我感到心疲力盡。如果每個享樂，都牽掛著罪惡感，這人生豈不是太難了？
2022年，我從波士頓搬到位於美國東北部最小的一州、羅德島中的小鎮普羅維登斯，在羅德島藝術學院念兩年的研究所。小鎮生活很平凡，市區只有一條主要幹道，充斥著高檔餐廳和美式酒吧。除了上課，和在自己的工作室創作，常常閒得發慌，也很想念在台灣的家人。因此，我便每個週末舉辦晚餐派對來招待朋友，讓自己忙碌、生活熱鬧些，以及和朋友聊些藝術以外的事情。
從大概小學六年級開始，我便常常在廚房當媽媽的小幫手。當時的我也許對人生毫無方向，但能把家人餵飽給了我很大滿足跟成就感。如今在一個科技資訊發達的時代，煮菜是我放鬆、療癒自己的方式，因為我可以在這一小時的時間活在當下，專注於烹飪而不受外界雜訊的干擾。在美國這六年，我像是個蝸牛一樣搬了八次家。家具常常在搬家過程中賣掉而買新的，但一路陪著我走的，是那些精心收藏的餐盤。我總是認為美麗的擺盤可以讓食物更好吃，而晚餐派對也給了我新的理由購買更多的盤子招待朋友、分享食物以及彼此的祕密。
為了每週的晚餐派對，我都會自己設計並印出菜單，點上蠟燭，播放著輕鬆的音樂，給予我的聚會一些儀式感。第一次的派對，我做了Alison Roman的檸檬椰棗一鍋雞，另一週，我則是燉了媽媽常做的紅酒燉牛肉。有的時候會讓我的客人DIY做披薩，自己放上大量的莫札瑞拉起司、生火腿和芝麻葉，再淋上橄欖油和義大利黑醋。隨著我舉辦的晚餐派對越來越多，我越來越喜歡大家來家裡吃飯聊天的感覺。
在某次的晚餐上，我和一位來自土耳其和另一位則來自委內瑞拉的女性朋友，在喝了幾杯酒後，突然聊起了彼此和食物、容貌的關係。其中一個朋友跟我說，她曾經經歷過暴食和催吐的惡形循環，而另一位友人則說在看完內衣品牌Victoria's Secret走秀後，對自己的身材感到焦慮。
我當下也分享了自己在國中時期，曾經有減肥的經驗，對自己容貌感到非常不安。但同時，我也很猶豫是不是要把更多的細節和我的朋友們分享。我覺得每搬到一個新的城市，過去急於減肥的自己似乎就離我越來越遙遠，或許也是自己想要盡力忘記那段黑暗的記憶。當天晚上，我害怕她們如果知道我曾經是個十分追求健康的完美主義者，會不會就從此用不同的眼光看待我。畢竟誰會覺得一個愛吃沙拉又愛運動減肥的人有趣呢？
然而，當晚朋友們的勇敢坦白，在我心裡迴盪了好幾天，反思著自己在過去幾年中，對於身材焦慮以及健康態度的變化。生長在台灣的我，從小就覺得嬌小、纖細的女生比較容易被社會大眾肯定。然而來自不同國家的女性，也常有體態焦慮的困擾。因此我更進一步地思考，文化背景如何塑造一個人對自己身材或是美感的看法，以及如何影響每個人的健康習慣。
我很久以前就聽過「Guilty Pleasure」這個概念，意指「帶有罪惡感的享受」，但在深度研究後，我發現這個詞彙充斥著兩個互相衝突的情緒。更重要的是，Gulity Pleasure不只是包含私人情緒，它還反映了社會體系下的結構性問題。例如，社會對女性有很多不切實際的審美標準、資本主義對於工作效率的期待等等，進而影響女性的心理，以及女性對自己在社會上、經濟上、文化上的自我認定。
罪惡感是非常主觀的感受，往往背後都有許多很私人的故事。很多時候我在訪問時，都覺得自己像是窺探別人的隱私，畢竟誰會想要跟一位記者承認自己感到罪惡的原因跟事物呢？儘管如此，我訪問了十四位在新英格蘭地區從事食品業的當地女性，這些行業往往提供讓女性體驗到既愉悅又令人內疚的產品。而另一些女性受訪者從事健康產業，她們的工作則傾向於作為前者的補救甚至良性替代品。
每個受訪者都提供了她們對於「帶有罪惡感的享受」的獨特見解，包含對這個概念的定義、以及其感到罪惡感的原因。有些人因為產品的昂貴而感到罪惡 ; 有些則是因為小時候被父母禁止食用而感到罪惡；有些女性則是因為覺得某些食物對健康和身材管控不利而感到羞恥。
在我的研究過程中，很少人會說，自己從來沒有對享受食物而感到罪惡。
這本書分為四個章節。第一章，我分享了自己在青少年時對減肥和體態焦慮的經驗，以及我的研究動機。第二章，我用了許多社會和科學的文章來佐證為什麼「帶有罪惡感的享受」是一個性別議題，而究竟是哪些因素讓女性比起男性而言，更容易感到罪惡。第三、四章分別包含了我和十四位在美國新英格蘭餐飲及健康行業的女性，以及六位台灣女性的對談，將研究放到真實社會中，看看這些女性對飲食、烹飪、以及外貌形象的看法。
創作這本書的過程對我而言，是一種自我解脫。這十年來，曾經壓抑各種慾望的我，想透過晚餐派對、和飲食界的人對談來和自己的身心和解。透過和女性朋友以及業界女性的對話，我更加發現自我壓抑並不單純是我的問題，而是許多人的共同經驗。也許這不是本心靈成長或是教科書，但希望這本書可以提醒你該用比較溫和的方式來對待自己的身心。有的時候，我們對自己太嚴苛，不給自己享受的理由和機會。但是反過來說，我們真的需要任何理由，才能吃一塊蛋糕嗎？
Eating for some is pure pleasure. For me, it is often laced with guilt. Don’t get me wrong, I love food . . . sharing food is my love language. However, sometimes, I feel guilty when I indulge in a flaky pistachio croissant. Then I feel ashamed of my guilt—a double punishment.
After moving to Providence, Rhode Island, I began hosting weekly dinners for my girlfriends. Each gathering has been a celebration acknowledging our survival of another tough week of graduate school. While I regularly cook simple meals for myself, these occasions have been opportunities to enjoy food together . . . and also to explore our vulnerabilities.
Each week I design and print the dinner menu, light candles, and turn on my home-cooking playlist. One night, I made Alison Roman’s one-pot lemony date chicken; another night, I followed my mom’s beef stew recipe. For fun, I baked pizza with a big heap of mozzarella cheese, prosciutto, and arugula. The more dinners I host at my home, the more I love them.
One night, after a few glasses of wine, a conversation about our relationships with food and body image came up. One friend shared that she used to go through cycles of binge-eating and dieting; another shared her insecurities about her body after watching Victoria’s Secret runway shows.
Like these women, I share a complicated history with body image and dieting. Yet, I’ve hesitated to share my story with my own friends. I worry they might look at me differently if I were to tell them that I used to be a health-obsessed perfectionist.
My friends’ openness still led me to reflect on my past pursuit of the ideal body figure. Coming from Taiwan, where society often prizes women for their small, slight figures, I began to wonder how cultural background affects how women perceive their bodies and approach their own health. While I had heard of the idea of guilty pleasures before, I realized I wanted to research this topic, which was both personal and systemic. My research demonstrated what my friends and I already knew from our lived experience: women’s psyches and bodies are impossibly burdened by the marketing of unrealistic beauty standards and by capitalist expectations of productivity, as they negotiate the complex social, cultural, and financial systems they exist within.
Because guilt is a robust, personal feeling, carrying so many stories within it, I set out to interview local women (all of them identified as cis-gendered females using she/her pronouns) in the wine and food industries, which tend to supply products that women experience as both pleasurable and guilt-inducing, and in the wellness industries, which tend to operate as remedying, even virtuous, alternatives to the former.
Each speaker offered her unique perspective on guilty pleasures—what they are, what the concept means, and why anyone would even feel guilty about pleasure to begin with. Some feel guilty about having treats because those items are expensive; others because these delights were forbidden during childhood; and some because they are afraid of gaining weight and not fitting standards of female beauty.
Rarely did a woman tell me she did not feel guilty at all.
This book is structured in four chapters: In Chapter One, I share my experiences with body image and eating during adolescence. Chapter Two provides scientific and social research about why guilty pleasures are predominantly gendered, and what factors may activate feelings of guilt in women especially. Chapters Three and Four includes my interviews with women regarding their guilty pleasures and personal experiences with eating, cooking, and body image.
I hope this book will speak to you, empower you, and remind you to be more gentle with your body. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves the credit to indulge. But in the end, is credit necessary to enjoy that decadent piece of chocolate cake?
為什麼「吃」令人感到罪惡？
罪惡和享受，看似對立的情緒，卻巧妙地互相牽連。有的時候，越強大的罪惡感會伴隨著更強烈的滿足，像是慢跑後來一杯沁涼的啤酒，在週間晚上追了三小時的劇，或是把蛋糕當作早餐等等。每個人的罪惡感都有不同的來源，而時常被重複提及的，就是食物。
飲食對有些人來說是單純的享受，然而，對我來說，食物常夾帶著一絲難以形容的罪惡感。別誤會，我很愛吃，也喜歡與我所愛的人分享美食。但是有時候我會對於吃完一整個濃郁甜膩的開心果可頌感到罪惡。不久之後，我又會對自己的罪惡感感到羞恥。原本這個可頌應該...
目錄
・序——為什麼「吃」令人感到罪惡？
Chapter 1 我的故事
Chapter 2 關於「帶有罪惡感的享受」，所有你不敢問、但應該要知道的事
Chapter 3 在美國新英格蘭，她們的故事
莉亞・溫希普 Leah Winship ／專業品酒師
安吉・迪米奧 Angie DiMeo／起司品牌創辦人
安珀・傑克森 Amber Jackson／茶葉品牌創辦人
楚瑞特・奧爾 Tzurit Or／烘焙咖啡廳創辦人
雪柔・朱利安 Sheryl Julian／《波士頓環球時報》食物專欄記者
克莉絲汀娜・普羅卡錢蒂 Christina Procaccianti／獨立藥房共同創辦人
潔美・安蒂尼亞諾 Jamie Antignano／百年義大利餐廳經營者
歐拉・法哈多 Aura Fajardo／巧克力品牌創辦人
托茵・奧米索雷 Toyin Omisore／運動服飾品牌創辦人
艾倫・格拉西爾尼 Ellen Gracyalny／高級餐廳主廚＆經營者
茱莉亞・布魯姆 Julia Broome／餐廳老闆
茉莉・阿塞維多 Jasmin Acevedo／瑜伽老師
洛麗・凱特爾 Lori Kettelle／甜甜圈品牌創辦人
戴安娜・庫什納 Diana Kushner／紀錄片導演、有機農場主人
Chapter 4 回到台灣，她們的故事
蔡珠兒／作家
葉怡蘭／飲食生活作家
杜敬萱／敬時里里私廚
賴怡君／Quelques Pâtisseries某某法式甜點主廚
柯亞／Keya Jam 柯亞果醬創辦人
許名慧／前總統蔡英文的御廚
・後記——當我們不再內疚
・致謝
・英文典藏版 If You Prefer It in English
・參考文獻
・序——為什麼「吃」令人感到罪惡？
Chapter 1 我的故事
Chapter 2 關於「帶有罪惡感的享受」，所有你不敢問、但應該要知道的事
Chapter 3 在美國新英格蘭，她們的故事
莉亞・溫希普 Leah Winship ／專業品酒師
安吉・迪米奧 Angie DiMeo／起司品牌創辦人
安珀・傑克森 Amber Jackson／茶葉品牌創辦人
楚瑞特・奧爾 Tzurit Or／烘焙咖啡廳創辦人
雪柔・朱利安 Sheryl Julian／《波士頓環球時報》食物專欄記者
克莉絲汀娜・普羅卡錢蒂 Christina Procaccianti／獨立藥房共同創辦人
潔美・安蒂尼亞諾 J...
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